FREE LUNCH and every other weekend

      I am so happy to be making time for my blog again. It has been a year or more since I sat down to write. I have all these things in my head that I have been wanting to get down and the day comes and then it's over. I am giving here and giving there and then before you know it so much time has passed. So here I am shutting off the world at 11:02 p.m. to write on my blog. I have had so many feelings lately. SO MANY EMOTIONS. Tanner and I finished reading a book about a month ago called FREE LUNCH. It was such a great book. Not easy to read with my ten year old but I am super glad we did because it started so many great conversations. A true story about middle school and poverty. It hit home with me in some ways. I guess because Rex talks about being made fun of and struggling to get attention in positive ways his 6th grade year. I relate to that so much. My parents were miserable together that year of my life. They finally decided to get divorced soon after.  They stayed divorced for a year and then got remarried when I was in the 8th grade. TALK ABOUT CONFUSING. It was such a chaotic time for me. During that time we only got to be with my daddy every other weekend. From 6 pm on Friday night to 6pm on Sunday night. It was hard. I mean it just was. There was so much negative and hurtful feelings brewing all over the place. It wore me down. As it does now when I am around it. I felt lost then. I remember my daddy coming one Friday night to pick us up for the weekend and he had shaved his mustache off. I was only 11. I didn't recognize him at all. (he had always had a mustache) so I didn't go to him. I remember my brothers and sister running to him.  I just sat there while he cried embracing my siblings. I was angry and confused. The memory is a tricky thing. SADNESS and GRIEF all wrapped up with JOY and BEAUTY. It's just how life is. Raising these boys is tough. I'm working everyday to sacrifice and love them.  On a high note I absolutely love books. I love reading. It is such JOY in my life with my children. I love reading with Tanner. I love reading books with him that have meaning. That deal with deep issues. He loves to read too. He may have zero interest in soccer or not care one bit about video games but he can tell you all about REX OGLE. That is the name of the author of FREE LUNCH. He looked him up on his free time and read all about him. That just makes my heart SWOON.  I love my boys so much. I want them to have good and happy memories. They will. But they will have not so great ones too. Because The truth is some days are hard. Some days we argue. Some days I act like an idiot and my kids don't listen. Some days I'm completely overwhelmed. Then there's days like today we hit up Epcot and rode rides, laughing and enjoying coffees and ice cream. AND Let's not forget Jersey Mike's on the way home. These are the ones my heart grabs hold of with everything I got. These are special.

Books I loved reading with Tanner this past year: As Small as an Elephant, Ms. Bixby's Last Day, Lemons, Posted, The Dragon with the Chocolate Heart, NightJohn, and Sarny. These are just a few.

Books I have read with Holden and loved this year: Hatchet, all the entire Weird school series ( he loves these) and some cute Halloween books like The HallO-Wiener, The Halloween Hustle and The Gruffalo (still trying to get in the cute reads while he is 7).  

Reading with them brings me JOY. I also have read some great books myself including American Dirt, Little Bookshop on the Corner, The Pecan man, and A Long Walk to Water. To name just a few. 

Look for the beauty in life. Sometimes it's in a book. 

Happy reading. 

                                                                                 

Reveal IT don't Conceal it

     Man I have missed my blog. Reading and writing are such a part of me. They always have
been since I was a little girl. I can learn and grow through reading. I can express and release through writing. Both can be healthy escapes as well. Just a moment to get away from the everyday stresses of life. Cause raising these boys is hard work. Marriage is dedication. I love my boys so much. I love my husband so much. I know we live in a filtered, cropped, and highlight reel world. I'm so guilty of it too. BUT LATELY (and I am serious about this) I strive to be REAL. I strive to be AUTHENTIC.  But I too CRINGE when my kids act out in public or I fail at something and people are watching. It's normal. It's human. We don't want others to see our flaws. BUT SEE that is where our strength lies. I have had so many conversations with people lately who relate to me because of my failures because I struggle. AND I DO. Others are encouraged because guess what I get knocked down but i get up again. I see other's people's kids. I know I'm not alone. NOPE not even a little. I recently had the best conversation with a parent and he was talking about character and gratitude. YES!!!! I was so moved BECAUSE HE WAS TRANSPARENT!! He gave me HOPE. I was encouraged by him. I start everyday with a gratitude list. I have done that for 15 years. I hope I am passing just a tiny bit of that onto my boys each day. Being ourselves and being vulnerable is scary and certainly risky. BUT OH IS IT WORTH IT!! Nay Sayers are everywhere. It's just life. I am a very positive person and encourager by nature. It is what GOD has called me to. Let me tell you how GOOD GOD IS. Last fall I did Dave's Ramsey's Financial Peace University with Billy. That same month my dog Nani passed away and my baby had stared Kindergarten just a few weeks earlier. OK GOD do you want me to go back to work full time or is there something else you have for me. This was my prayer. Cause unless you're paying cash for homes and vacations then you have debt. (Dave Ramsey's words not mine :)  So I listened to HIS voice. That next week I joined my girl Ashley's team. It took a few months for me to start making an income. I stayed obedient and consistent. I love helping others. I keep seeking GOD. What I am doing is fun and it's working for me personally. The last few weeks especially have been huge for me and my family. I'll continue to ask GOD to help me be BRAVE and take risks. I will continue to step out in FAITH doing what is best for me and my 3 boys. And I will continue to RISE to the challenges of LIFE. On another note the boys started 1st and 4th grade. So far So good. I love being at MSA. We have many years ahead of us there. I am looking forward to the fall. I love baking and cooking and decorating. I love Coon Hollo and dressing up with the kids for Halloween. I love boots and sweaters and cooler nights. (HOPEFULLY) This last year has been an amazing year of growth for me as I continue in my Recovery, work my own BIZ, and show up for the people GOD puts in my life. Grateful heart.

Aquarium Sleepover

     Saturday night Billy, the boys and I got to sleep over at the Florida Aquarium. It was such a fun night. We learned a lot and got time together. Holden kept saying "It is my first time in a sleeping bag outside the house mommy." We got to tour behind the scenes and see what the animals eat. Would you believe that the most expensive animal at the Aquarium to feed is the Seahorse. It's crazy what it takes to feed all the animals. The boys got to release Lady bugs out into the Aquarium and learn how they are natural pesticides for the plants. We learned the difference between poisonous and venomous. The boys loved watching and touching the sting rays. I loved seeing all the different and beautiful Jelly Fish. We even went up on the roof and back to where they keep the injured animals. We had pizza outside at 9 and stayed up late watching the sharks swimming right by our heads. It was one of those family weekends I will hold in my heart. The boys are growing fast and I am asking God to be in these sweet years of elementary school days. They are 6 and 9 and soon will be hitting double digits. Seasons change. Time moves forward. Summer time is made up of so many sweet and tiny memories. Swimming, Slurpee's and sunshine on skin. Friends, fights, and the freedom to sleep in. The library, the lake and learning to dive. It is reading, running, and rides to see family. It is pancakes,  Popsicles, and popcorn at the movies. It is bike rides, books, and the beach. It is water parks and  watermelon. It is snuggles surrounded by love. I look forward to the weeks ahead and stay in prayer for me and my boys. My verse lately has been Colossians 3:23. Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  I'm so grateful. I remember the days I was praying for the things I have today. I know how blessed I am.

Dressing Fancy

     A few weeks ago it was  just Holden and I for the weekend. Billy and Tanner went camping. My Holden Russell and I were planning our special weekend. And as he  finishes Kindergarten there are so many little nuggets I want to hang onto. YES we have our challenges but there are so many precious things that happen in the middle of those challenges. I talked to him all week about our upcoming weekend. I told him we would go out to eat and see a movie among other things.  He LOVES everything. Truly he does. The Thursday night before we were to go out on our date when he was getting out of the tub he says "Mommy can I dress fancy for our date?" (My heart) ABSOLUTELY!! I say. Well  sure enough he waned to wear his button up shirt and his bow tie. He was adorable!!! So stinking cute. I love those blue eyes. He even said I'll pick out your dress for you mommy for our date. One I hadn't worn in years. Such a sweet boy! Dinner was awesome. We even ran into his Pre K teacher and some friends from church. He felt big and special. He wanted pizza and I wanted Pasta so off to Carrabbas we went. I sure was happy that Billy and Tanner got all that time together being outside having new adventures camping.  The weekend with Holden was truly special. I will always look back on this weekend with Holden fondly and cherish it in my heart. We went on the bike trails for hours, we watched a movie, we went to church, we held hands and I did a lot of praying with him. I do love having boys. I love reading at night with them and them telling me about their day. Holden is very snugly. As rowdy as he is he is very loving. He loves people. I love my children. "A mother's love is peace. It need not be deserved." ~erich fromm