Extraordinary Ordinary

     It isn't the crisis or big things that can make or break you it is the day to day living that can wear you out. As we say in RECOVERY it isn't the Lions, Tigers, and Bears it is the flies, gnats, and mosquitoes. PRAYER is my biggest tool. It is my biggest asset. It is everything. Tanner just turned 9 and Holden will be 6 in 3 days. I love my boys so much. They are different in so many ways. I am blessed beyond measure and so thankful for my family. Being a mom though is tough and scary. The combination between disciplining and giving GRACE is a balancing act and I sure miss the mark a lot of days. BUT that's the point I think. GOD knew this when he created man.When he created me he knew these boys would be my sons. I get frustrated and moody and selfish and tired. I NEED GOD! I also can be patient and mature and giving and energetic. I am human and as a mommy I need to realize I can not do it all. I can not please everyone and definitely can not please my family all the time it is not my job to be children's HIGHER POWER! They need God. The best thing I can do is just be me. FLAWS and all. I fail them at times. GOD NEVER WILL. I am focusing on these elementary years and the EXTRAORDINARY ORDINARY. Here are a few of the extraordinary ordinary day to day things in the life of Spive Tribe.The way Tanner loves to dress up as Santa and is obsessed with Marionettes and puppets right now. The way Billy can do impressions for the kids at the drop of a hat and makes them belly laugh. The way Holden loves to try and sound out words now and try to write them. The way I love cooking and baking and the joy of making something new. The way Tanner loves to draw and his love for FROSTY and snowmen. The way Billy and I sing in the car together to a song we like and it annoys the kids. :-} (parents of the year) The way Holden loves to play board games and is so competitive. The way I like things clean and organized and love taking care of our home. The way Tanner can tell us facts and interesting things at dinner. The way Billy picks up the kids and throws them upside down and plays air guitar with them. The way Holden loves to take up for his brother when I am correcting him. The way we all love reading. The way I can make things fun at home and switch the mood in the house. The way we all have been counting the days down until we go and get our real tree. That is something we all do together the day after Thanksgiving and has become one of our favorite traditions. WE SPIVEY'S LOVE CHRISTMAS! The way I take my boys and we take snacks, sunscreen, Gatorade, or fruit to the huge homeless population literally right by their school and get of the car and talk to them and ask their names because I want my boys to know not everyone has what we have. AND that people are people. The way I LOVE where we live and our neighborhood and its DIVERSITY!! The way things definitely don't always go as planned but how much we have to be thankful for. To some my life may same boring and uneventful. To ME I LOVE WHAT I DO. GOD has called me to it. The way Holden climbed in next to me as I am typing this at 6:38 in the morning and he is in his christmas PJs and still carries his "BABY" (a blue elephant) he has had since birth. Today I choose JOY! Today I embrace the Extraordinary Ordinary!

S05195

     Numbers , time, and distance. All of these are a part of life. There are some things in life that feel forever out of reach and some things that will always stay with you. Take for instance this number S05195. It was my prison number. I can't remember how to log into my bank account or my kids school access code half the time. AND let' s not talk about getting locked out of your own computer!! (insert eye roll) LOL   :-} BUT I will never forget S05195.  I can remember the day it was assigned to me. When your are a prison inmate you become a number. You say it often and you are counted like cattle multiple times throughout the day.  It is a fact. At this time in my life I had hit an all time low. I was scared and felt all alone!! But I had made terrible selfish choices to get there. No one was to blame but ME!! Scripture says in 2 Corinthians 12:10 That is Why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. THIS verse was and is a fave of mine. I never understood it fully until 2001. MY ROCK BOTTOM!! I am grateful for every part of my story. It is true I can rely and TRUST GOD a lot more when things are hard and when I am at rock bottom. His plan was BIGGER THAN MINE! and better. :) I really at this stage in the game want nothing more than to be obedient and TRUST MY SAVIOR!! Less of me and more of him. I got out of prison and wound up right back on drugs. IT WAS AWFUL!! I WAS POWERLESS! I COULD NOT STOP!! AND eventually got arrested again and was headed back to prison  for 3 years! The court said NO to that. PRAISE GOD!  I ended up court ordered to drug treatment in Marion County  by a JUDGE. I am so thankful for this. I was humble and happy. I say all of that to say that time is precious. Each day is a gift!! I ended up getting an Apartment and a job and then my sweet Nani BOY!! My sister had found Nani in Lakeland and after putting up posters and not finding him a home she brought him to Ocala to live with ME!! YAY!!! That was in 2005. HE WAS SUCH A BLESSING AND GIFT!! He would be there when I came home from work and he slept on the bed with me. He was so many things to me. I know he was a gift from GOD! I had to claw my way back to being a productive member of society. Nani was my family!! HE loved us. The boys adored him and everyday Billy would come in and lay on the floor with him and talk to him. He would come in the boys room at night when it was time to read to them. His favorite spot was in Holden's room on the floor by his chair.  He went to the Lake with us, celebrated holidays with us, and was here when I brought both babies home from the hospital. He went with me from my apartment to getting married and moving in with Billy and eventually to here our new home in EVERGREEN.  He passed away 2 weeks ago after being with us for over 13 years. I miss him daily. I still look for him to trip me in the kitchen or to be at my feet when I am doing laundry. BILLY AND THE BOYS LOVED HIM!! Tanner still sleeps with Nani's blue and red ball I bought him. It was Nani's favorite. Saying Good bye has been difficult. We love and miss him terribly! He was much more than a pet. He will FOREVER LIVE IN OUR HEARTS!

Ain't No Man

     Lately I would have to say my favorite song is Ain't no Man. I love the beat, the words, and the feeling it gives me. I'm content. I'm working on focusing better. Present in the moment if you will. Prioritizing and not chasing down things OR people. Too much energy spent on that. I'm 43. I like myself. Envy and Judgment are strong negative feelings and I work hard at turning those over. I have a woman in my life Teresa that is a blessing to me. She has been sponsoring me (basically a mentor and sister) for 13 years and going strong. She ALWAYS puts things into perspective. She says everyone is fighting SOMETHING!! She says if you envy their house then you have to take their spouse, their spouse's exes, their spouses bad habits, if you envy their car then you have to take their job, their co workers, their back aches or headaches, if you envy their hair you have to take their hands and feet, their nose or teeth, and on and on and on. It has changed my thinking when Satan is working. YOU GET THE POINT!! The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side you probably just need to water yours. :) Joy comes from Jesus. When I am far from him I'm irritable and discontent. When I am close to him my soul and spirit are in good shape. :)  Thankful today. Life is a gift. I don't compare mine to others. And if I'm down I'll just play my song. (and lots of others) and sometimes I sing along!! DIVERSITY is strength and I embrace it. Here's the lyrics to my fave song:

Lyrics

There ain't no man that can save me
There ain't no man that can enslave me
Ain't no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain't nobody here
Who can cause me pain or raise my fear 'cause I got only love to share
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it there

You got to serve something, ain't that right
I know it gets dark but there's always a light
You're gonna have to buy in to get into the club
Trade your worries
You gotta show up if you wanna be seen
If you matters to you, ma, it matters to me
I'm gonna fall hard, yeah I know I am
When the clowns crack up I laugh with them

Ain't no man that can save me
There ain't no man that can enslave me
Ain't no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain't nobody here
Who can cause me pain or raise my fear 'cause I got only love to share
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it there

You say you look funny, I say you're a star
I say you're whatever you think you are
Watch your naysayers fall right in line
If we believe it they'll say she is so pretty
He is so fine

There ain't no man that can save me
There ain't no man that can enslave me
There ain't no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain't nobody here
Who can cause me pain or raise my fear 'cause I got only love to share
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it there

You got to go somewhere, ain't that true
Not a whole lot of time for me or you
Got a whole lot of reasons to be mad, let's not pick one
I live in a room at the top of the stairs
Got my windows wide open and nobody cares
And I got no choice but to get right up when the sun comes through

Ain't no man that can save me
There ain't no man that can enslave me
There ain't no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain't nobody here
Who can cause me pain or raise my fear 'cause I got only love to share
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it there
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it there
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it

Songwriters: Timothy Seth Avett / Robert William Crawford / Scott Yancey Avett

Ain’t No Man lyrics © BMG Rights Management US, LLC

Freedom

    My word for 2018 is FREEDOM. That word has a lot of meanings for me.  First and foremost,  ACTUAL freedom! I spent a lot of time in my twenties actually locked up. Freedom from addiction. Freedom from others opinions. (SO FREEING) Freedom in MY SAVIOR AND KING! Freedom from approval of anyone. But I feel bound some days too. Bound by failure. Bound by the enemy trying to get in. Bound by the past. Bound by things that totally confuse or overwhelm me. Being in my forties I feel like I see so many things more clearly.  How incredibly hard some days can be. How incredibly joyful others can be. How some days are a mixture of both. If you are a mama or married or breathing for that matter then you know. December was full of joys and special moments. The boys putting out cookies and milk for Santa and spreading reindeer food on the lawn. Us all going to my aunt Brenda's on Christmas Eve like we have done all my life. The joy of Christmas morning. Dinner at Meme and Grampy's house and cooking and eating all those yummy casseroles and southern foods. Some things I'll always remember. Holden singing "Celebrate Celebrate Jesus is BORN" at his pre school show while throwing his arms way in the air and bobbing up and down. Tanner dressing up as Santa daily and acting out scenes complete with toy bag and beard. The elves and the joy of the boys finding them daily in new spots. Making Florida snow and building Gingerbread houses. The boys love tradition and love love going on black Friday to Lowes like we do EVERY year and getting our tree. THIS YEAR WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL ONE! AND Tanner will always always say " MOMMY the only thing we buy on black Friday is our tree right?" The boys helping daddy put up the lights and Tanner helping me with all our glorious ornaments. We really have started accumulating quiet the collection. Going to the candlelight service at church. OUR FAVE was the drums this year. So fun! YES December was fun. We enjoyed having daddy around. I LOVE CHRISTMAS and especially appreciate our home and togetherness. I sure do love my boys. But the day to day ain't always easy!!  I wrote a poem and read it on Christmas Eve. Here it is:


RAISING BOYS BY: Mendy Spivey

Raising little boys is tough and tiring

From jumping off couches to nerf gun firing 

My Boys love their mamas a whole whole lot 

Always giving me  gifts like pine cones and rocks 

My dresser is FULL of all these things and more

They are  precious treasures that can’t be bought from a store

I’m busy. I’m exhausted. There is always work to be done. 

But little boys are special and a whole ton of fun! 

From Tanner dressing up like Santa and a building a sleigh w his dad.

To Holden having Grinch day at school and preschool fun to be had

I’m so thrilled  I’m able to be a part of all that my boys do

Mommies everywhere I’m sure all feel that way too

Billy and I had prayed for a child, God heard and gave us Tan.

Then three years later he blessed us again with another sweet little man.

Karate and cub scouts are what these boys are up to

wolf pack and on the mat are what they like to do

My boys are 8 and 5 and we have some favorite things we  enjoy

From playing with their bey blades, BIKE RIDING and lots of other funky toys

Life is going fast the days are long but short are the years

so ill be sure and soak  it up and enjoy ALL the Christmas CHEER!!

2018. Be uplifting. Be FREE!