S05195

     Numbers , time, and distance. All of these are a part of life. There are some things in life that feel forever out of reach and some things that will always stay with you. Take for instance this number S05195. It was my prison number. I can't remember how to log into my bank account or my kids school access code half the time. AND let' s not talk about getting locked out of your own computer!! (insert eye roll) LOL   :-} BUT I will never forget S05195.  I can remember the day it was assigned to me. When your are a prison inmate you become a number. You say it often and you are counted like cattle multiple times throughout the day.  It is a fact. At this time in my life I had hit an all time low. I was scared and felt all alone!! But I had made terrible selfish choices to get there. No one was to blame but ME!! Scripture says in 2 Corinthians 12:10 That is Why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. THIS verse was and is a fave of mine. I never understood it fully until 2001. MY ROCK BOTTOM!! I am grateful for every part of my story. It is true I can rely and TRUST GOD a lot more when things are hard and when I am at rock bottom. His plan was BIGGER THAN MINE! and better. :) I really at this stage in the game want nothing more than to be obedient and TRUST MY SAVIOR!! Less of me and more of him. I got out of prison and wound up right back on drugs. IT WAS AWFUL!! I WAS POWERLESS! I COULD NOT STOP!! AND eventually got arrested again and was headed back to prison  for 3 years! The court said NO to that. PRAISE GOD!  I ended up court ordered to drug treatment in Marion County  by a JUDGE. I am so thankful for this. I was humble and happy. I say all of that to say that time is precious. Each day is a gift!! I ended up getting an Apartment and a job and then my sweet Nani BOY!! My sister had found Nani in Lakeland and after putting up posters and not finding him a home she brought him to Ocala to live with ME!! YAY!!! That was in 2005. HE WAS SUCH A BLESSING AND GIFT!! He would be there when I came home from work and he slept on the bed with me. He was so many things to me. I know he was a gift from GOD! I had to claw my way back to being a productive member of society. Nani was my family!! HE loved us. The boys adored him and everyday Billy would come in and lay on the floor with him and talk to him. He would come in the boys room at night when it was time to read to them. His favorite spot was in Holden's room on the floor by his chair.  He went to the Lake with us, celebrated holidays with us, and was here when I brought both babies home from the hospital. He went with me from my apartment to getting married and moving in with Billy and eventually to here our new home in EVERGREEN.  He passed away 2 weeks ago after being with us for over 13 years. I miss him daily. I still look for him to trip me in the kitchen or to be at my feet when I am doing laundry. BILLY AND THE BOYS LOVED HIM!! Tanner still sleeps with Nani's blue and red ball I bought him. It was Nani's favorite. Saying Good bye has been difficult. We love and miss him terribly! He was much more than a pet. He will FOREVER LIVE IN OUR HEARTS!