My little helper

I love my son. He cracks me up. This morning he was trying to be so sweet and bring me my coffee. I haphazardly left it on the end table. THANK GOODSNESS it was not hot and had cooled. He comes down the hall with an empty cup and says "mama." My heart sank as I realized here is the cup BUT where is the coffee that was in it. Well the answer came as I walked into the living room and coffee ws everywhere!! On the chair, the carpet, the magazines, and the table. Well all I could do was laugh. God is really helping me not take things so seriously. How could I get mad when he was "helping"? So after I get the coffee cleaned up I smell a dirty diaper and off to change my son. WELL as i am changing him he sticks his foot all in it and slides it across his cheek.GROSS!! I was laughing and then he started laughing. In the tub he went. Well needless to say we had a busy morning and it was not even 8 a.m. I love being a mommy. Never a dull moment and I find myself just smiling when I watch him playing and looking at his books. He is a doll and just so smart. I heard a quote that said the days are long BUT the years are short. I just want to soak it all in.

My sister

When I was growing up I shared a room with my sister. It was pink! The walls were pink, the carpet was pink, and pink was all over the curtains and bed spread. It was very girlie. My sister and I could not have been more different back then. She was very easy going and I was more out going! She played softball and sports. I played with dolls and liked to dance. When we were 11 and 8( we are three years apart) are parents got divorced. Us six kids were back and forth between our parents. It was a rough time for all of us and I wish I would have paid more attention to my sister. I should have been a better example for her. I can not dwell on that now but I am so grateful that she is now one of my dearest friends. When I was in jail and prison she wrote to me and when I was in treatment she came to see me and made an effort to encourage me in my recovery. I am thankful. I will have 7 years clean this Saturday. We could not be closer than we are right now. We have boys very close in age and they are buddies. Tristan and Tanner. I just spent two nights with them and three days. We had so much fun taking the boys to the park and over to see my mom. It was awesome just being with my sis and her boy. These boys are wonderful gifts from GOD and my sister is an amazing mommy. Tristan is so sweet. He is walking now and trying to keep up with Tanner. At almost 16 months old he is a little cutie. And even though Tanner is 5 months older than him Tristan is still taller. I love my sister and nephew so much and thankful for them in our lives. I know God is in charge because there is no way I would have guessed that we would both be raising boys at the same time. TOO COOL! I so look forward to taking them to lego land in a few months when it opens. So many things for us to look forward to.

Tomorrow is my first Triathlon

I am excited because tomorrow I will be doing my first Triathlon. I love running and biking but not too thrilled about the swimming. My friend Ashlee and I are doing it together and I love facing new challenges. I have really been able to set goals for myself and with the help of friends like Ashlee, Aimee, and Suzanne I have been able to accomplish them. I am running a half marathon with Billy in Sept and then a full in January with my girls Ashlee and Aimee. I have even inspired Billy to start running and he is up to 6 miles now. I could not be more proud. Billy has been at all my races with Tanner and having them there and knowing someones is in my corner has inspired me not just in races BUT in life. I am blessed to have Billy in my corner. When I did the princess half marathon Billy was there screaming at the finish line with a pink rose. BEST feeling in the world. I Started really working out hard after I had Tanner. I have always been into fitness but after getting married and having issues getting pregnant I fell into somewhat of a depression and my emotions were all over the place. I was a full time student and working as a server. I was a new wife! I just figured once we wanted a baby it would just happen. Well I ended up going to Dr. Patel our fertility doctor and she ran several extensive tests. I found out I didn't ovulate on my own and thus started months of fertility treatments. It was very emotional for me and I gained tons of weight. It wa a rough year! I realized I was not trusting God. I would turn it over but every month when no baby came I was devastated. I was a wreck. I did not take care of myself physically at this time. After taking sometime off we decided to do INVITRO. We knew we really had to trust God with all of it. This was not a decision we made lightly. We did tons of praying and met with our pastor. I felt very strongly that we were getting the green light from God. In Feb. 2009 we went through with Invitro, A very involved cycle of shots, appointments, and pills. The nurse called us in March and said YES you are pregnant. Amazing. After having Tanner I was thankful to get back to the gym for my over all well being. My friend Suzanne was always an encouragement at this time. For me having my first child at 35 was a culture shock and pretty isolating. But exercise helped me through this. I use to run with my dad when I was younger and now I am hooked again. I love doing races. I am super nervous about tomorrow but my girl Ashlee will be there and as long as I can see her in my line of vision I know I will make it. Only because she is SUPER fast. :) I I am excited!! Wish me luck.

Caught in the rain!

We really have needed the rain lately and I must admit that I love when it rains in the afternoon. I like it cause our morning is SO busy that by the time we eat lunch just like clockwork around 1:00 or 1:30 everyday Tanner sleeps for about 3 hours. He is so active in the mornings with playing in child development then the pool and the little waterpark that he completely wears himself out. It is really too humid and hot outside that its not that fun in July to be outside unless we are in water. But occasionally we play in the driveway with sidewalk chalk or I pull him around the neighborhood in his wagon. We visit our neighbors alot because he seems to be the star of the neighborhood. Most of are neighbors are older and retired and just LOVE Tanner. We do have some children but the ones on our street are older. Tanner is the only baby on our street. I love that he loves people and always waves and blows kisses to everyone as we ride around the neighborhood. I love our street! We have lots of trees and hardly any traffic. Well a few days ago I took Tanner up and down the streets in his wagon and when we left it was sunny and just enjoying our stroll around the neighborhood. We got over on the next street and out of no where it suddenly got so dark and I could hear a very hard rain come out of no where. We got drenched! It was so funny trying to get Tanner and I home while running in flip flops in an extreme down pour. I could not stop laughing. Tanner then started laughing too. One of those memories I will always remember as a special day just raising my son. It is SO true what everyone has told me that it goes by SO fast and I find myself just enjoying and treasuring each day with my son. I love spending time with him and thankful that I get to be his mommy! We had a great time at the little waterpark today and he loves spending time with me too. I love that he is excited to see me and although he isn't speaking full sentences yet he understands just about everything I say to him. He is very bright and I love his smile! What a gift to be a mom!

Knight and Day!

I am watching a funny "mission impossible" type movie with my sister and hubby. She is here staying the night. We had a peaceful night with our boys and just relaxing tonight. I think this movie is making fun of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. FUNNY!~ Well short blog tonight. I mostly just wanted to say that my girl Ashlee and I are all registered for our first Triathlon. Whoop Whoop!! Scary BUT exciting.

July 4th 2011

What a great holiday weekend and week we have had. I am so grateful that we are loved and have so many people that love our son. We were able to do some recovery based stuff over the weekend in West Palm and on Monday we headed out to Lake Kerr where Billy's parents have a lake house. I was able to chill and let others spend time with Tanner. It was pretty relaxing to just read my book and lay in the sun. He is so sweet. At almost 20 months old he is really talking and communicating well. He played in his little kiddie pool and Billy took Rachel-Kate(our niece) and her friends tubing. They also played bean bag toss. Billy and I took a long boat ride and we all had a wonderful meal. I enjoyed spending time with my sis-in-law and just really thankful for the peacefulness. Not having any expectations or rules and letting go sometimes makes all the difference. Especially for ME! I am glad to spend some time with my husbands side of the family this week. It has been really nice. It is my turn to make dinner for everyone tonight so I am making a yummy lasagna, strawberry summer salad, and garlic toast. It will be a nice meal. I am thankful that my in-laws live close and my mom-in-law and dad-in-law are so willing to watch Tanner anytime. Just a few weeks ago they kept him all night and I got so much done and then had a great date night with Billy. We are going to do that again in a few weeks. They get to have time with him and we get to have our time as a couple. Also My sister is keeping him this Saturday so we can do a running work shop in Gainesville. It will help us with our training as Billy and I are doing a half marathon in Sept. Billy's first and my third. Whitney and Tristan are coming to hang out and do dinner and swimming with us and stay the weekend!! YAY! I love having such a BIG family and so grateful that we are all involved in each others lives. Tanner has been so well behaved this week. I believe me actually spending alot more one on one time with him teaching him letters and colors etc. is helping. Also realizing that he is a year and a half not four or five and having patience really helps. Taking each day as it comes and trusting GOD! Well off to the Lake to have our family dinner. I hope everyone likes it.

Recovery

I am a recovering addict. I will have 7 years clean in three weeks and so thankful for that. I always had big dreams for myself when I was young. I took a major detour when I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol in high school. I was 15 the first time I tried alcohol and 16 the first time I tried drugs. I became addicted. My life spiraled out of control. I made a lot of huge mistakes. I ended up in jail and eventually prison. I was a mess. Hard to believe I like such order and peace these days when I lived in complete chaos for all those years. I mean I was a complete junkie and hated what my life had become. The most important thing in my life was a needle full of drugs to go in my arm and of course some alcohol to go with it. I was lost and confused. I was hurting and I was hurting others. I heard a speaker this weekend that went from being a junkie to a JUDGE! That is pretty impressive. It was not that she was a Judge in itself it was how she got to be a Judge and her attitude about it and where she had come from. She was comfortable in her own skin and worked really hard to get where she was. I like who I am today and I like that I have a personal relationship with THE CREATOR! I like that we are all unique and special. I am starting to appreciate others for their gifts and talents. Appreciate that we are all not alike. I do find myself comparing my life with others. Sometimes I do it with friends or my husband but honestly I am pretty happy with where I am. I like being a stay at home mom and I like having Tanner on a schedule. I like teaching him new things, playing games, reading to him, and going swimming. Billy and I are pretty high stress people but we are both great communicators and really good at expressing ourselves so in the end I think that is where our strength lies. I know there is healing in being truthful and having the willingness to work on me. I can not change anyone and I also know I can not please everyone. ( I have tried at times and it is exhausting) I just know I want to be free to be me! I am aware that there are things I need to work on and I want to always keep God at the center because without him I am a mess again. I want to honor my husband and honor my son. I want to honor my parents and my husbands parents. I want to encourage my friends and family and love them. Proverbs 13: 25 "An appetite for good brings much satisfaction, but the belly of the wicked always wants more."