Has it really been 3 years?

I can not believe my little boy is 3 tommorrow. I am weepy as I write this. I am not sure if it's because I am 9 months pregnant, OR just that it is true what everyone tells you. It flies by. I remember Billy and I trying to get pregnant with Tanner and feeling like it would never happen. I felt so defeated. I know a year and a half is really not that long to try and I have friends who tried a lot longer and some who are still trying. But each month no baby comes it is painful for those who are trying for one. I know what it feels like to be on that side. I know people mean well when they say do not worry it will happen. But truly no one knows if or when it really will. It is hard to understand unless you have been there month after month of trying and no baby. Most of my friends and family got pregnant right away and I personally come from a family of 6. I love bein from a big family. I would not have had it any other way. So I just assumed that we would get pregnant too when we started trying. 9 months went by and no baby. Billy and I decided to see someone and sure enough a couple problems.(I will save you from all the details) So we started fertility treatments. Four months of IUI's and still no baby! We were unsure what to do. We went and talked with our pastor, we prayed, and we took a break. The next step, if we decided was invitro. It is expensive and very invasive. We did not know if this was for us. We took a month to talk to God about it. We prayed together often. Eventually we both felt as though we were getting the green light from God. Billy works for the Department of Veterans Affairs and a lot of our expenses were covered by insurance and so everything seemed to be going in the right direction. I have always journaled and I remember journaling that it was our time to become parents. I did not when or how. The funny thing is Billy had had the same feeling reading God's word one morning. We were totally trusting God at this point. In Feb. 2009 we went through with invitro. I could not wait the whole two weeks until the blood test so on day 11 I took a pregnancy test and then the next day too. BOTH DAYS WERE POSITIVE TESTS! At 2 weeks we went in for our blood pregnancy test and the nurse called to confirm that yes we were pregnant!! I could not believe that we were going to be parents. I am so blessed to be Tanner's mommy. He will sin and he will fall short. I do. I have to know that he will too. God is clear on that. He will break rules and he will struggle with things. I will do my best to love him and his brother Holden through it all and never condemn and be quick to forgive. Nothing chokes the life out of relationships more than resentment, judgement, and holding a grudge. I am so thankful my family has forgiven me. And what an amazing thing that when our Heavenly Father forgives us he remembers the sin no more. I will seek God in all my disciplining and love Tanner through all the stages of his life. There will be fun days and hard days! Completely exhausting days and very joyful days. November 10th 2009 at 6:47 p.m. I became a mommy and my heart overflows with love for my child. And in a couple weeks give or take I will be giving birth to our second son Holden Russell Spivey!! I am so honored and so thankful for the friends and family who have come along beside us and helped us be the best parents we can be. Billy is not perfect and neither am I. He seeks the Lord and he loves me and his boys! He is very hands on as a father and I am blessed!! Happy Birthday sweet Tanner!! We love you so so much!!