Parenting is HEARTWORK

 

 I am reading a book right now called Parenting is Heart

work. I read when I can. It is about connecting to your children and reaching their heart. I so desperately want this. I get so task orientated sometimes that I feel like I'm on auto pilot. Feed them breakfast, clean the kitchen, get them dressed, pick up toys, mop the sticky floor, plan a menu, what's for dinner, buy a birthday gift, plan a play date, kiss a boo boo, put stuff back in drawers that Holden's pulled out yet again, change a diaper, clean up a spill, how do you get rid of sugar ants, and on and on. I had a nice talk with Billy tonight. I am so grateful for him.We don't always see things the same but lately we are working really hard to hear each other and respect each others opinions. I am working at not making mountains out of mole hills. Its so draining some days. I am the exact opposite of laid  back. :) I am OK with that today because there are so many things I like about me. I am organized, I love to cook and clean. Yes I enjoy cleaning you read that right. I like structure and order. I love working in the yard. I love schedule and planning. I love planning their birthdays, trips, and other activities. I don't like when things get thrown out of whack. Which they always do with kids. Thus there is the conflict for me. Room for growth! :) Always room for growth.  I had hoped that this blog would always be about the happy joyful moments with my children. Don't get me wrong there are so many but today I just need to talk about how hard it is. How every minute you are taking care of these little ones. I'm at a stage now that if Billy works late and I go all day with just me and the kids it can get hairy. I know you moms know what I mean. But the beauty behind those hairy days is GOD gives us rest. He gives ME rest. He loves me. He loves my kids. Then the sweet moments come again. The special moments just between me Tanner. Like this morning when he came in my room and said "Mommy can I lay with you?" I have to force myself to slow down and enjoy these precious moments. Tonight I read Holden a brand new book called "Mommy loves you." He loved it and wanted me to read it to him twice. He is growing fast. He is the sweetest and most affectionate baby boy. And My Tanner loves to be my helper. He loves to be near me.  He loves that his nick name is "side kick" He is a smart boy and knows how to get what he wants. Its not easy to tell him no or do what's best over what's good. I literally need all the help I can get. I  am so thankful for prayer and God's word tells me to pray continually. He doesn't get tired of my prayers. And some are very repetitive. I remember being pregnant with Tanner and being scared and I'm still terrified. Am I letting them down?, and I doing enough?, will they grow up to love God?, will they respect and care for others?, will they break their arm today?, and on and on but I have a God who is above all that. He is greater than any bad mood, bigger than a toddler melt down, and higher above any man's opinion of me. I am putting all my fears at his feet because he cares for me. When Billy and I were struggling to get pregnant and I did not know if I was going to be a mom GOD knew all along I would be Tanner's and Holden's mommy!! I am so grateful for them. They are a part of me and I look forward to many more days of playing with them, taking them to the pool, Disney (our favorite), and all the special memories we will make.